Column Chronicles: Puddles the Clown, part 4

Puddles the Clown, part 4

Frank Cotolo
November 24, 2022

Police detective Wisely Taut told Police Captain Tyrone Belligerent there was a problem if Puddles the Clown (him or her or them) were captured. The captain listened to what Taut said.

"As odd as the Puddles case is, we don't have a single law that he, her or them broke. Dressing up as a clown isn't against the law. Peeing in a balloon isn't against the law. Dropping balloons filled with urine is not against the law. Puddles showing up unannounced at the places where he, her or they went is not against the law. Puddles the Clown or clowns has not broken a law."

Captain Belligerent sat down and said, "You're right. What do we do, then?"

"We kill him, her or one of them," Taut said.

The captain immediately fired all of the extra people he hired as extra police to cover the city for Puddles appearances. Then, Taut read all of the witnesses' descriptions of Puddles and had the police wardrobe girl make a Puddles costume to fit him. Taut hid a FP-45 Liberator Pistol with ten rounds of .45 ACP with the wooden dowel to extract spent shell casings in a holster pocket sewed on the inside of the costume.

Taut (the clown) walked around the city and stopped in to random places. He fooled some people, who applauded when they saw him, thinking he was Puddles (or one of the Puddles).

Taut strolled into a neighborhood library that was noisy for a library. Then he saw Puddles the Clown doing a dance in the lounge where people came to read newspapers for free. The people became silent when they saw two Puddles and then the real Puddles stood still, surprised by seeing another Puddles. Taut walked slowly and faced Puddles as the crowd's jaws dropped.

"You can kill me," Puddles said, "but you can't kill all the Puddles."

"I was right, then," Taut said, "there are many Puddles."

"Yes, so genocide cannot result in a Puddles cleansing."

Taut stepped back and Puddles took out his two bags of urine. The crowd applauded and shouted hooray as Puddles dropped the bags as he cried, "Kaboom!"

Then, Taut grabbed Puddles before he could jaunt out of the library. Then, Taut turned to the crowd and shouted, "It's him, her, them, it's, Puddles the Clown. Wawhoo and kaboom!"

Puddles smiled and left. Then the crowd lunged at Taut, piled atop him and pelted him to death.

Fin.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.