Column Chronicles: Nick Cretin P.I.E.; The muggy evening

Nick Cretin P.I.E.: The muggy evening

Frank Cotolo
March 30, 2023

It came as no surprise to Nick Cretin, P.I.E. (private investigator extraordinaire) that the evening would be muggy. It was always that way in the dark and damp city streets after a record breaking heat that forces an afternoon shower during the day.

Nick thought for a moment and picked up the phone and dialed Smerk's number and apologized for waking Smerk but said he was so excited by a sentence he wrote (see the second sentence of this story) he had to tell Smerk.

Nick said, "It was always that way in the dark and damp city streets after a record breaking heat that forces an afternoon shower during the day."

Smerk said, "Hmmmm. What was always that way?"

Nick said, "A muggy evening."

"You didn't say that. You said it was always that way and I didn't know it meant a muggy evening. No one I know ever called a muggy evening an it."

"I think it goes without mentioning."

"Then why use it. And another thing. you said an afternoon shower during the day."

"Right."

"An afternoon shower has to be during the day or it ain't an afternoon shower. When you say afternoon shower you know it is during the day."

"It being?"

"The afternoon shower."

"I already have an it in the sentence, remember? The muggy evening is the it. I can't have two its in a great sentence."

"Why don't you just use one it? Like in forget it," Smerk said and hanged up his phone.

Nick hated Smerk for criticizing his sentence even though Smerk was right about it, that is, right about the confusing two its and which it was it. And then Nick began to hate afternoon showers and muggy evenings and the season when they inspired him to write bad sentences that sounded good until someone knew where were bad.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.