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Frank Cotolo
May 11, 2023 |
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When a person is hesitant to trust the science of medicine and the skills of a medical doctor, that
person is left with only one alternative: asking advice from the magical Dr. Wizard.
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Q: My life is in shambles, please let me know how to rebuild it.
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Dr.W: Shambles is no easy place to rebuild. Many have starved there and even more than many have
turned to rubber and bounced away. A life in Shambles can lead to a life in Decomposition and they
it will be too late. At once, if not sooner, wait for an evening with a full moon and then stand
under it while in an empty field and chew on the pedals of a red rose while repeating these words:
Unca boop dotta smooky bun -- then go to sleep and when you awake things will be different.
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Q: I went to bed with my best friend's wife and she put a curse on me for doing it. How can I avoid
the horror of the curse.
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Dr.W: Avoiding curse horrors requires the strength of lizard urine mixed in a bowl painted with
marigolds and then sipped through a white straw with blue stripes. Repeat nightly until there are
no curse horrors.
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Q: How can I sustain happiness?
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Dr.W: Humans have sold their souls for such a quality of life but there is a simpler solution. It
requires...
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five hairs from the tails of grey cats; three models of the Christ face carved from wax; an
American penny that has been dipped in Olive Oil; the winter gloves of an octogenarian; unused
shoelaces; three teaspoons of vanilla extract; white flour; a box of ribbon candy; a quarter
pound of Olive Loaf; and lastly, the fin of a goldfish.
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Copyright © 2009-2023 SRN Mediaworks Productions, in association with Frank Cotolo.