Column Chronicles: Know your body - Frank Cotolo on 148.ca

Know your body

Frank Cotolo
June 8, 2023

I asked renowned Dr. Klepp Heiniman about his new book that reveals odd things the human body is capable of doing.

ME: You have studied the human body most of your life and have a long list of how people misunderstand its oddities.

DR.KH: The human body is a complicated crap load of nerves, muscles, organs and bones, so strange things are bound to happen.

ME: Quirks?

DR.KH: Quirks, kinks, call them what you want but they ain't your normal bodily functions. For example...

ME: Give us an example.

DR.KH: I was just going to. Piloerections.

ME: Excuse me?

DR.KH: Das goose bumps. You know the things popping up on the skin when you get scared or someome scratches the blackboard with their nails?

ME: By the thousands, yes. But I never thought to call them erections. That's weird.

DR.KH: For you, yes, for me, a doctor, no. Pilo is the skin, erections are the enlogations of various parts of the body. Stop laughing. Okay, what about the sneeze? The body pumps out a wad of spit and a loud sound, ah-choo.

ME: That's not the only thing the body can pump out. Remember the piloerections?

DR.KH: You laugh like a baby. You want me to tell you more weird things bodies do or would you rather go watch happy time cartoons on your iPhone?

ME: Go on, please. Sorry. I know you are serious.

DR.KH: Yawning. Why does the body yawn? Because it is low on oxygen and a yawn forces an inhale and exhale. It pumps oxygen into the blood. Stop laughing.

ME: You mean the whole body becomes an erection and pumps the heart?

DR.KH: You have erection on the brain. You laugh, that's weird, too.

ME: Like repetitive releasing of lung erections, right?

DR.KH: That's it, I'm going home. You are rude. You are one big erection, if you can translate that you know what I mean. Stop laughing.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.