Column Chronicles: Ask Dr. Wizard more

Ask Dr. Wizard more

Frank Cotolo
September 7, 2023

When a person is hesitant to trust the science of medicine and the skills of a medical doctor, that person is left with only one alternative: asking advice from the magical Dr. Wizard.

Q: I keep peeling fruits and saying, she loves me, she loves me not, and it always comes out not. Any suggestions?

A: Before I give you a magic potent, try saying it while peeling vegetables.

Q: Money is all I need but I can't work for it. What does magic have that can get me money?

A: Money always goes to ones who deserve it. Not all of them work for it. Ask youself if you deserve money before you burn three raspberries, a cork from a red wine bottle, two cubes of butter, a dead red ant and some paprika in a large bowl, preferably not near anything flamable.

Q: Some of the elements you ask people to obtain and brew in order to please the spirits are not available at common stores like Walmart, Costco or through Amazon.

A: Tough luck.

Q: I am the sixth son of a seventh son who is the son of a fifth son of a third son who was the patriarch of our family. I heard that's a good thing for a person who needs luck.

A: You missed by one connection. If the fifth son of a third son was the patriarch, the son before him must be the fourth son of an only son. But, the news isn't entirely bad. Get a twig from a bird's nest and chew it three hours a day and play the lottery.

Q: She left me again. Is there a potent for repeated departures of a love one.

A: Yes, but you're going to need the claw of a vulture and in some areas of the world it is illegal to kill a vulture and the penalties are dire. You may replace that element with the toenail of a witch but though there is no law against having one, you put your life in peril every time you try to acquire one.

Q: What ever happened to good old prayers?

A: Nothing. They still don't work.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.