Column Chronicles: Riff Shattersmith quits the Polo team

Riff Shattersmith quits the Polo team

Frank Cotolo
October 26, 2023

Anywhere I go on Earth, I, Riff Shattersmith, have become part of unexpected adventures. These are testimonies to such events.

I was in already half-broken and defeated playing polo with a horse that galloped to the beat of a Persian folk song when I told my team mates I would no longer play Polo.

"Don't be a fool," said a team mate, "this team could go to the quarter-finals and that could lead to the semi-finals and that means a shot at the national finals."

"I've had it," I said. "I never liked games. I quit soccer because I couldn't use my hands but at least I didn't have to ride a horse."

The day after I left the team I was approached by a stranger. He said, "Your polo pony ran away when you left your Polo team and it is imperative we find him before he blows up."

"Why would a polo pony blow up?" I said, as just about anyone would say to such a question.

It turned out that my Polo pony was fed dynamite powder by the stranger as part of a plot to kill the team during the next match so that a bunch of gamblers could win money when the other team won the match. "How could you do something so cruel? My Polo pony is a living creature. Sure, he gallops like a drunk goat but he's alive and should not be exploded from the inside out so you fellas can win a bet."

When I woke up I was laying in the flatbed of a truck and my jaw hurt from chewing on a knuckle sandwich. The truck stopped in an open field. The stranger stood me up and said, "Look into the field. See that bunch of horses?"

"Herd of horses."

"Of course I've heard of horses, that's why you're here. Go into the field and find the one that was your Polo pony."

It was too late. My Polo pony exploded before I identified him but then, one by one, all the other horses exploded and the stranger said, "Oh no, some dynamite powder must've gotten into their feed, too. Now all the Polo ponies from your team have exploded. I've lost all my money." Then he ran off. I never saw another horse explode.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.