Column Chronicles: Nick Cretin P.I.E.; A heavy lust for gold

Nick Cretin P.I.E.: A heavy lust for gold

Frank Cotolo
January 5, 2023

It has been written, "All that glitters is not gold," and yet it is the glittering gold that lures the criminal mind because that mind lusts for wealth without earning it.

"It's easy to write stuff like that," said Nick Cretin, P.E.I. (Private Eye Extraordinaire). "But nowhere in any bible does it tell you about the power of the lust, the attraction of getting lots of stuff for nothing."

"Actually," said Mindy McMind, Nick's dating mate at the time of the story, "there is one bible that tells you about that kind of lust."

"I must've missed reading that one," he said.

"What's it matter, Nick? The gold was stolen and they put you on the case. Got any leads?"

"Lots. For one, the gold was taken by someone who read a bible that didn't have the lust explained."

Mindy smiled because she adored Nick and didn't think he was the dolt most people thought. And she loved that Nick let her show her smarts which she considered respectful. Even if he didn't give her credit she found it more endearing than getting slapped with her last dating mate who was Fred Mottzaman, a cruel being at best.

"Maybe you should look for the gold in big places," she said.

"Why's that?" Nick said.

"Gold bars are big and heavy. Anyone who steals some is going to find them hard to hide."

"That's right. I saw one once. It don't matter how many pockets a guy has, he ain't fitting gold bars in them. After dinner, want to come with me and look in big places for the stolen gold?"

Mindy shook her head up and down and Nick was so grateful for her input he said he would leave the tip for the meal.

Later that night they looked in all the big places in town and in between they went to a bookstore and bought the bible that Mindy talked about and he gave it to her so she could highlight the part about lust and give it back to him when she was done.

The next day Mindy was hospitalized with food poisoning and Nick was angry that she was too sick to highlight anything in the bible they bought but he did not break up with her. He stayed by her side in the hospital. Some other private investigator solved the case of the stolen gold in the meantime and Nick forgave Mindy for getting sick.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.