Column Chronicles: Memorable last words of the executioned

Memorable last words of the executioned

Frank Cotolo
April 18, 2024

Miles DeMilo Maynard (MDM) spent decades attending executions in order to write a book revealing the last words uttered of prisoners at the site of their execution. Untitled so far, MDM's publisher has released never before heard quotes, assuring readers they are authentic.

"We didn't include their names," MDM said, "but there is a montage of unidentified faces in the center of the book, if readers want to guess."

Here are some of the thousands of quotes included in the book.

This has gone far enough.

The governor said what?

I'm going to a better place, someone said. Let's face it, any place is better than being here now.

This means there's more than a hundred license plates someone else has to make.

Don't you want to delay this until you've taken all the organs I've donated?

This is what happens when a lawyer is a part-time character actor.

Oh no, I hate needles.

I don't understand why I couldn't die wearing the clothes I requested.

I'm not scared. Are you?

Three of my favorite items I requested in my last meal were missing. Bummer.

There's a winning lottery ticket in my cell worth a batch and it's yours if you get me out of this.

Well, this is one wish come true.

Know any good jokes?

I had twelve children and not one of them brought me a loaf of bread with a saw hidden in it.

I'm so nervous. Why don't they give me something to calm me down before they inject me?

I won't shut up, no, I'm gonna talk until I can't say a word and no matter what you do to me... ... ... ... ... ... ...

No, I won't sign your autograph book.

Tell the guys in cellblock nine that I was only kidding.

I liked Disco. I told the jury that. I think it hurt my case.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.