Column Chronicles: Mr. and Mrs. Misanthrope, episode 2

Mr. and Mrs. Misanthrope, episode 2

Frank Cotolo
May 2, 2024

It was true. No one liked Mr. and Mrs. Misanthrope. People tried but Mr. and Mrs. Misanthrope liked no one. Because of this trait, Mr. and Mrs. Misanthrope moved around a lot.

When they were married they lived in Chicago, Illinois but they did not like anyone living there, so they moved to Lincoln, Illinois. They did not like anyone living there, so they moved to Bute, Montana. A week later they packed up because they did not like anyone living there. Then, they moved to Dallas, Texas. Get the picture? They moved because they did not like anyone living there.

Some people they did not like liked them. While living in Lancaster, California, Mr. and Mrs. Buttercake became fond of them.

"She had a delightful frown," Mr. Buttercake said, "and she whistled beautiful melodies while standing on one leg."

Mrs. Buttercake said, "We saw them sitting on their lawn and we walked over to offer them some lawn chairs."

"And Mr. Misanthrope said I was a dullard."

"And then Mrs. Misanthrope waved her hands and said, 'the two of you smell like sewer fumes.' We were stunned and wanted to know what they meant by that."

"But they stood up, went into their house, packed their clothes, came out, got into their car and drove away. Never came back."

Mr. and Mrs. Misanthrope moved to Mooseskin, Canada and the people there welcomed them with cakes and homemade whiskey. Mr. Misanthrope said, "How dare you offer us cakes and homemade whisky in those stupid clothes." Mrs. Misanthrope agreed and took out a handfull of 7/8-inch stainless steel pan headed screws from her pocket and threw them at their new Moosekin neighbors. Then they moved.

Mr. and Mrs. Misanthrope bought land in Calgary from some man they didn't like for a price they didn't like and then they built a high fence around their property.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.