Column Chronicles: Adding a TED topic about a Ted, part 2

Adding a TED topic about a Ted, part 2

Frank Cotolo
June 27, 2024

Here is the text for the rest of my TED talk about the Ted The Head:

Mammal, Turtle and Mugsy had no choice but to obey the tough guys' command to toss hard objects at Ted's head.

Mammal was excited because he knew he could throw objects better than the other two and he wanted to get in good with the tough guys. Turtle was scared because he knew he couldn't throw worth a crap. Mugsy wasn't a good thrower either but he figured if he got up close enough to Ted's head he couldn't miss. Poor Ted. We figured he had no idea the attack was coming.

The tough guys met him as he crossed the street to make his way home and they surrounded him saying things like, "He's Ted The Head," and "What a big head has Ted The Head," and Ted The Head stood still.

Meanwhile, Mammal, Turtle and Mugsy lined up a few feet back. Then, when the tough guys moved away from Ted, everyone froze. Apparently, Ted The Head prepared himself for the next time the tough guys attacked his head and it shocked everyone. Ted took off the huge hat he wore on his huge head, stuck his hand into the hat and pulled out a meatball and he tossed it at Mammal. It hit him in the stomach and he keeled over.

"These meatballs are days old," Ted said, "and worse, my mother made them and she doesn't cook well."

Ted put down the hat, kneeled over and began tossing hard meatballs at all the tough guys and the other three. Everyone was amazed. Me, too, because turned out that Ted was bad at sports but great at tossing hard meatballs at people nearby.

Everyone ran away. I watched from afar and smiled as Ted juggled three of the hard meatballs and never dropped one while he sang, "I'm Ted The Head and I hit them instead!"

Thank you for inviting me here tonight.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.