Column Chronicles: Even more classic films Dadaists wrote

Even more classic films Dadaists wrote

Frank Cotolo
September 5, 2024

How would certain classic motion pictures been different if written by Dadaists, the art and literature movement based on deliberate irrationality and the negation of traditional artistic values? Here are examples:

Saving Private Ryan: PRIVATE RYAN'S LUCKY DAY
Some American soliders in France hunt the of bombed antique furniture in homes in search of a soldier lost in group warfare to tell him he no longer will fight, eat, shoot his gun or visit bakeries on foreign soil. Some die; Ryan goes home.

Dune: SANDLAND HERE I COME
The world is a desert in the future and hope is rusty from rocket ships when a kid becomes king and is so handsome he melts during wind storms until his enemies reduce their facial hair and make cakes of dune sand as the planet dehyrates into bile.

Roma: ROMA BOOM BOOM
A family in Italy cannot spell but can drive around in small cars with pasta cartoons on the hood. The family is haunted by stickball ghosts whom wet the streets of Rome with sweaty testicles that make poor citizens love squatting.

Gravity: NASA'S FLOATING NAUSEA
A pair of astronauts shimmy outside of their smelly vehicle which is struck by an orbiting wheelhouse and leaves them stranded with nowhere to go even though they're in outer space where there is enough space to settle down and have moon babies.

Unforgiven: VENGEFUL, MEAN AND A GOOD HUSBAND
A retired bandid known for killing women, children and puppies goes on one last spree and kills all sorts of people while being loyal to his dead wife and a great father raising kids and pigs.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.