Column Chronicles: The legend of Hankulese

The legend of Hankulese

Frank Cotolo
September 19, 2024

He was never real but always strong enough to remember and all of the people in ancient Greece talked of him and his adventures and his mighty pecks and his powerful jumping skill when he leaped a mile into the air and landed who knew where.

He was Hankulese, second string brute to Hercules, and he ruled Greece with the stories of his powers, especially when Hercules was out of the country, so the stories go. Or went.

Once, the mythical monstrous muscleman, one tale was told, used his fists to pump the life out of a mythical monster on the other side of a mountain. Hankulese punched the stones from the foot of the mountain and bore a hole all the way to the other side. There he found the legendary Skoll Monster and though his fists were weary from stone punching the great Hankulese grabbed Skoll Monster by the hairs of his knuckles and pelted the beast over and over and over and over until Skoll Monster cried tears that spilled upon the Greek ground.

When Hercules returned to Greece, he took credit and Hankulese said nothing because that was his godly job, making Hercules look better than him.

The story goes that Hercules fell in love with a mortal woman and wanted no more to be a god. Hankulese was happy and when Hercules became mortal the gods said to him, "Hankulese, you will do everything Hercules would do if he were still a god and that is how the gods want it".

Hankulese was pissed but he continued to defeat mighty myths of madness, including Spectamortus and Ramadopton and Cryton and Keapoxolips and Aroma Buster and Piximort and Dialombo and Dixadixademonicus as well as their fictional brothers and cousins.

The poor people of Greece swore to the gods that they would never tell anyone writing about Greek Mythology that there was ever a Hankulese and they did not, which is why you never heard of him.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.