Column Chronicles: Turk Berain and the mystery of Beaver Valley, part one

Turk Berain and the mystery of Beaver Valley, part one

Frank Cotolo
February 15, 2024

I'm Turk Berain, a private detective. You might not know me as Turk Berain because I go by many other names, including Biff Wonderbread, Ebb Saltine, Harry Barry, Larry Barry, Barry Harry, Zip Prankster, Elderberry Sackball, Ethan Nathan, Barry Nathan, Zip Sackball or Restless Army Kilgarden.

One day I was in my office when a woman entered and hired me to find her brother. She said her brother was last seen going to Beaver Valley. I told her there is no such place. She told me there is such a place and her brother was last seen going there. I asked her who saw him going there? She said many people, including Robert Scald, Emmit Filmore, Rudy Kazooty, Jennifer Whipslide and then I stopped her and told her I know Jennifer Whipslide. The woman asked how I knew her. I said I was once married to Jennifer Whipslide and she never mentioned a brother last seen going to Beaver Valley.

There came a silence in my office. The streets outside were filled with tar and fog rose from the depths of the bulging concrete's mist. Then darkness came and we both knew it was a sign of night time.

She began to cry. That's when I knew she wanted me to take her to Beaver Valley at all costs. I still knew she had no brother last seen going there but I told her we could go in the morning.

She changed into her pajamas (I realized she intended to stay the night from the moment she arrived). Then she felt strange, she said, because I did not have pajamas but I told her it was all right and that made her feel better.

When she fell to sleep on my office floor I called my friend Echo and asked him what he knew about Beaver Valley and he said he knew a lot a lot and how to get there, get there, get... He gave me directions. I sat in my desk chair and fell asleep.

...to be continued.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.