Column Chronicles: Turk Berain and the mystery of Beaver Valley, part two

Turk Berain and the mystery of Beaver Valley, part two

Frank Cotolo
February 22, 2024

I'm Turk Berain, a private detective. You might not know me as Turk Berain because I go by many other names, including Al Bartmouth, Ralph Hindsight, Will Due, D.M. Initial, Archie Liberace, Len Leak, Elbow Johnny Slamduster, Grip Hipster and Washington Earring.

When the woman and I awoke in the morning we were too hungry to leave for Beaver Valley before having waffles. I took her to Dipp's Restaurant because Dipp made the best waffles this side of Beaver Valley and she laughed but the other customers ordering waffles did not laugh. We ordered waffles to go.

I followed Echo's directions and drove on Route 27 then on Route 238 to a bend by a barn where I steered onto an old dirt road which curled through a wheatfield and a cornfield and went through a covered bridge (an odd one that had a tollbooth) and then there was a sign that read MAYBE THIS WAY TO BEAVER VALLEY. The woman became excited because her brother was last seen going to Beaver Valley. I told her not to have expectations, great or otherwise, because it was still possible there was no such place.

After more travel down the road there was a hotel in the shape of a silo and a young man came out of it and the woman identified him as her brother. She got out of the car and hugged him and then there were gun shots and a crowd with pitchforks and torches. The woman gave me an envelope filled with money and thanked me.

I drove back to my office alone and called Echo to tell him I came back from Beaver Valley. Echo laughed and said he was joking because there is no Beaver Valley.

I hung up the phone and believed him.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.