Column Chronicles: The Brutal Critic, Moby Dick

The Brutal Critic: Moby Dick

Frank Cotolo
March 14, 2024

Let me introduce myself whether you like it or not. My name is Bruce Danko, better known as the Brutal Critic. They call me that because I get right down to the grit of books, movies, plays and I find all the flaws.

There's an old saying: It's impossible to step into the same river twice because a river is always changing. Such is the case with Herman Melville's "Moby Dick".

First, it's too long. Word after word after word adds up to a book heavier than a whale. Oh yeah, the title character is a whale. Who names whales? As well, whose arch enemy in life could be a whale?

Okay, it's fiction, but Melville's main story is buried with sailor stuff. The real story is about a ship's captain obsessed with killing a certain whale because it bit off his leg. The reader must accept Captain Ahab can recognize a single whale among a global population of whales that have no distinct features. Hello?

Oh yes, it's a white whale, but in 1851 oceans were lousy with white whales; it's stupid to think any one could be recognized. Back to the name. The title whale hanged out near an island called Mocha so Ahab named his nemesis Moby. Hello? The Dick surname was stolen from a real whale captains called Mocha Dick. Who cares about a whale enemy with a name like a sailor?

Melville's publisher hated using Moby Dick as the title so he added "or The White Whale" to it. That's like adding "or The Guy A Ghost Told To Murder" to the title "Hamlet".

Someone should do a deep edit of the book and cut out all the sailor academics but I guess no one does because if you take the wasted words out it would make the book the size of a pamphlet. My conclusion: Moby Dick stinks like a rotting mammal.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.