Column Chronicles: Movie reboots crave audiences

Movie reboots crave audiences

Frank Cotolo
July 31, 2025

Movie makers want more money they feel is guaranteed so millions go into remaking movies that already made money. Here are some reboots under consideration by major movie makers.

JURASSIC PARK
Again the series launches with a biologist creating a DNA formula to breed dinosaurs and open a theme park. In the reboot the biologist includes a theme-park rides on creatures and promotes breeds for household pets. Conflict arises when a pop-gourmet chef claims some breeds are healthy food that can hinder digestive diseases.

THE EXORCIST
The moment the Catholic religion collapses it launches an epidemic of demon possessions to first born children. The last Pope becomes a mass-exorcist superhero complete with rebranded uniform and gimmicks like the Popemobile and Popeplane and a Pope Utility Belt with extra-strength Holy Water and crucifix weapondry.

ROCKY
In this reboot Rocky is a Harvard graduate with a Gen-X mentality who feels he can become boxing world champion using his intellect over brute strength. After his first win he gets a following of all genders with college degrees and the girl he loves struggles to keep him safe trying to win bouts without throwing a punch.

PLANET OF THE APES
This reboot of the original presents a rocket filled with astronauts crashing on a planet a billion light years away. The survivors find the planet inhabited by simians resembling either Brad Pitt or Sidney Sweeney. The astronauts are imprisoned for not looking like Brad Pitt or Sidney Sweeney and fight for their right to be different.

FRANKENSTEIN
This reboot takes place during a Spanish Inquisition in the year 5856. A brain surgeon and a heart surgeon team to create a creature strong enough to stand up to a Spanish Inquisition. Drama ensues when the surgeons implant the brain of a French poet and the heart of a politician resulting in a creature who speaks in rhymes and breaks promises to fight for his constituents.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.