Column Chronicles: Weird Want Ads - Frank Cotolo on 148.ca

Weird Want Ads

Frank Cotolo
January 23, 2025

Newspapers that once existed helped pay the bills by selling Want Ads for public perusal. There was rarely a rule as to what could be advertised for sale and even when there were rules people got away with breaking them. Here are some strange Want Ads we collected over the years.

WANTED: German soldier helmits. All sizes. Can be from any war in which German soldiers fought. Rust-free if possible. Must work.

WANTED: Men to shovel through ground beneath concrete in an area where treasure is thought to be buried. Extra pay for those using their own shovels.

WANTED: Hardly worn shoes for an upcoming footware festival.

WANTED: Vinyl record albums and 45 RPM records by popular bands of the 1950s. Unpopular bands considered.

WANTED: Photos of dogs swimming. Top dollar for French Bulldogs, Alaskan Malamutes and shaved Poodles.

WANTED: Rectangle tablecloths. Any size. Must be stained. Will pay extra if table included.

WANTED: Handyman or handywoman or dandy dresser or randy couple for an evening out.

WANTED: Original Mr Coffee Maker. Used only once or twice. Will reduce price if in original packing with original printed instructions free of fingerprints that may be used to incriminate a user.

WANTED: Garden tools with orange handles. May accept yellow or blue or light green and pink if sterilized and covered in thick plastic.

WANTED: Anything marble.

WANTED: Men over the age of 68 who can jump over seven feet and land in a pool of Cherry Jell-O.

WANTED: Signed autographed photos of Evel Knievel. Authenticity neither proven nor preferred.

WANTED: Actors able to imitate mountain gorillas for possible documentary. Extra paid for those with good costumes.

WANTED: Chinese love letters written on parchment cooking paper. Extra cash for those still in envelopes and addressed.

WANTED: Experienced heart specialist willing to travel.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.