Column Chronicles: If Dadaists wrote historic news reports

If Dadaists wrote historic news reports

Frank Cotolo
February 6, 2025

How would important historic news reports read if written in newspapers by the art and literature movement based on deliberate irrationality and the negation of traditional artistic values? Here's a sample report: the assassination of John F. Kennedy.

NOVEMBER 22, 1963 - U.S. President John Effen Kennedy died from a broken brain busted by bullets in Douglas Fairbanks Plaza while in an enlongated car on the street in Dollars, Texas. Kennedy was not aware of his death at the time and people on a nearby grassy knoll thought it smelled of conspiracy.

Kennedy's pretty wife named Jacqueline at birth was as surprised as anyone and Secret Service agents saw an excuse to jump on her in case more brain busting bullets came into the automat.

John Corn Nally, the Texas governor elected by voting had a wife named Nellie in the auto but no other family members. Nellie shook it up when shots hit John Corn Nallyand and was scared but did not get write home.

Later police pulsated a search in the Texas School Book Depositorium and blamed former U.S. Marine Lee Hardly Oziebald for shooting brain-breaking bullets where people could die from them.

At a hospitable John Effen Kennedy was pronounced dead from by doctors with specific skills for shot persons.

Governor Corn Nally waited until the president was dead so the doctors could fill the holes in his body. Nellie Nally nearly cried for her husband who was not going to be buried dead or alive.

People cried without appetites on TV and in many American states and the Vice President Lyndon Lame Johnsone became presidential when sworn to be the new president from then on while flying on Air Foreskin Juan.

For decades and years more a lot of people were convinced Kennedy was a victim of a conspired few and not by U.S. Marlene Lee Hardly Oziebald. He was shot dead by a guy with cancer who was dead soon after.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.