Column Chronicles: Nick Cretin P.I.E.; Cleanliness, godliness and murder, part one

Nick Cretin P.I.E.: Cleanliness, godliness and murder, part one

Frank Cotolo
March 20, 2025

Nick Cretin, P.I.E. (Private Investigator Extraordinaire). was approached by a client to investigate a murder - one already solved.

"I don't think who they said did it did it?" said Wanda, his client. "The murderer is still at large. I just know it."

"So this is just a feeling?" Nick said.

"Nope. I know who did it. I have proof."

"Then why hire a Private Investigator Extraordinaire? Go to the police and right the wrong."

Wanda explained she went to the police with the information but they dismissed it because the murder took place in a room cleaned thoroughly and police were sure that meant the murderer was the serial killer known as The Clean God.

Nick never heard of The Clean God so Wanda made him read a news item. - "Another brutal murder took place in a room thoroughly cleaned after the killing. It's the sixth such murder by a person known as The Clean God whom massacres victims with bullets and blades and yet they are found in rooms entirely cleaned."

"No blood or dust or anything?" Nick said.

"Nothing," Wanda said. "But they found some guy, an expert in deep cleaning and charged him.

"Based upon his talent to deep clean?"

"Yes. And he is my lover. He did not do it."

"Of course not," Nick said. "This was done by someone who hates the kind of messes murders like these leave on a place."

Nick took the job and interviewed the man arrested for being The Clean God. "How is Wanda as a lover?" he said to the man arrested for being The Clean God.

"Not bad but she's sloppy. Even her hygene. But a good lover. Once we got started I didn't mind how she smelled."

"I didn't notice her smelling bad when she hired me. But she was wearing ragged clothing and her hair was tangled and stiff but I thought that was her style."

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.