Column Chronicles: Great opening lines that ruined little-known novels

Great opening lines that ruined little-known novels

Frank Cotolo
April 24, 2025

Many teachers of literature tell writers that the first line of a novel is so important it decides whether or not a reader finishes the book. Though there are wonderful novels worth struggling through mediocre opening lines we found some opening lines so great they readers imagined the rest of the book could offer nothing better.

WICKED SUNRISE (K. Stumpard)
Damn the utter confusion and the sunlight because it appears my purpose in life is not to love another but to make a pure art out of washing machine maintenance.

THE OPEN SCAR (T. Messenger)
It is no accident, nor is it a stroke of fate, that the itsy bitsy spider song was the impetus to a massive spike in the rise of childhood fire fighters.

BURY ME ON THE SURFACE (S.J. Krile)
Get me out of here and get me out of here now before I can't get out of here whether you help me or not!

ORDINARY SKULDUGGERY (O. Derlbarten)
A click and a clack and you are the ball in the catcher's mitt.

STICK WITH IT, RILEY (F. Waxwelder)
If I told you the entire ball of wax was truly just held together with Flex Tape, would you engage in the trust one must have about love and compassion and the perceptions which they demand under unconditional circumstances?

OREGON (W.E. Grunt)
What makes anyone in the world think there is no such place on Earth as Oregon?

WE SURRENDER (P. Dirkwenth)
I give up!

OUR DEEP SINCERITY (Q. Tyler Boothquid)
She was a living doll and she knew the right stuff and it was a big deal and I mean the real deal and when the ball dropped it was the bitter end for two of a kind whose path in life carried dead weight.

MY LIFE (E.E. Source)
A rolling pin and toothpaste, cornflakes and a magic wand, as well as three spins of windmill blades were blessings with unforgiving messages that would put my life in jeopardy and crush my expectations about, of all things, roller hockey.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.