Column Chronicles: The origin of Hydrate-man

The origin of Hydrate-man

Frank Cotolo
May 29, 2025

Mild-manners Shemp Silo was at the beach tanning his scrawny body. He was alone as usual because he had no romantic partner and no friends. Out of nowhere there was a splash of light shone only on his gangly self and his body shook and burned. He thought he would be set aflame but the opposite happened. He felt strong and fluid and he noticed more muscles on himself. He sat up and looked into the vast map of the ocean and had a sensation of oneness. Then twoness and threeness.

He stood and knew he became a product of some mysterious energy that would change his purpose in life (not like he felt any purpose for himself at all before) and he declared, "I am Hydrate-man. I am the only man who is one-hundred percent water in human form."

Luckily no one heard him because anyone would think Shemp Silo lost his mind and may be dangerous having made such a statement. After all he looked like any normal sixty-percent waterfilled human even after the mysterious inflation of his muscles.

Anyway, Shemp began to run until he was no longer on the beach and headed for his small apartment. He felt as if he was flowing as opposed to running and thought about what his mother always said to him:

"Shemp Silo, you must stay hydrated. Dehydration is the enemy of the human body. When you are fully hydrated all of your major and minor organs fulfill their greatest values and keep you strong and you urinate better, too, because in that condition you piss out the poisons. Be fully hydrated and you will be a superman among men."

Once home Shemp thought, "A superman. Yes, a powerful person who should work to kill the forces of Dehydration and those people in danger of other things as well."

He began to make himself a uniform and test his new powers and this was the origin of a great hero of justice and righteousness and of couse, fluidity.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.