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Frank Cotolo
May 7, 2026 |
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When a person is hesitant to trust the science of medicine and the skills of a medical doctor,
that person is left with only one alternative: asking advice from the magical Dr. Wizard.
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Q: Is there a spell that can bring me lots of money?
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A: Everyone asks this question. I need to find a spell that will stop people from asking this
question. Here's an idea: get a freaking job.
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Q: I am being stalked and don't know what to do.
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A: Get six old Life Magazine covers and burn them in a fireplace while reciting the name of your
stalker. If you do not know the stalker's name or pronoun then call the stalker Iggy. Shout that
name repeatedly until the Life Magazine covers are ashes.
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Q: I don't think my wife loves me anymore. What about a love-me-again potion?
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A: I've been working on the ingredients for such a potion by eliminating the elements that don't
work. Like bat wings. And the feathers of a three-day-old hen corpse. I'll get back to you.
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Q: My back has been hurting me since birth. Now I am sixty. Is there an ancient cure?
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A: Yes. It involves crushed frog legs boiled in olive oil and dried thoroughly to be mixed into a
paste. Apply the painful area each morning of the week except Thursdays. Once the pain ceases,
do not complain aloud for two weeks.
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Copyright © 2009-2026 SRN Mediaworks Productions, in association with Frank Cotolo.