Frank Cotolo
January 16, 2010

 

Cotolo Chronicles reporters learned of a remarkable development concerning religion, civil rights and blues music in the first month of 2010. A renowned researcher of the downtrodden in the U.S. has announced that somebody did know the trouble that was seen by the millions who have sung Nobody Knows The Trouble I've Seen.

 

Professor Milo Misheard has spent the better part of his life trying to prove that, indeed, nobody ever knew the trouble suggested in the classic gospel song. However, he has run into a few facts along the way to prove that somebody did know such trouble.

 

In a press conference at his office in Mobile, Alabama, Prof. Misheard said, "The song claims, in certain versions, that Jesus is the only one to know the trouble suggested in the lyrics. However, Jesus never counted as a 'somebody' that could disprove the 'nobody' status".

 

But now, records from Tupelo, Mississippi, said the professor, indicate that Silus Johnstown did know more trouble than anyone had seen. "It is undeniable now that somebody knew the trouble suggested in the song because Silus qualifies as a somebody," he said.

 

History is not kind to Silus Johnstown, a young slave who was ignored - even by Alex Haley in his groundbreaking book, Roots. Though that may be because Silus was not traced to the Haley family, the professor said there is now documentation that Silus knew more trouble than the trouble that was claimed nobody knew in the famous song.

 

"Silus was beaten hourly," said the professor, reading from a diary found on the grounds of an old plantation in Mississippi, "just for the fun of it. Each member of our 15-person family took turns beating him. None of them actually looked at the clock, so it is possible he was beaten more than hourly."

 

All researchers agree that alone qualifies as more trouble than the song swore anyone knew. "Also," the professor said, "Silus lived through all of the troubles and there were plenty more that would come his way until his death at 99."

 

Gospel experts around the country are stunned and some don't believe it.