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Frank Cotolo
October 12, 2010 |
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In early 1973 or maybe it was earlier, like 1954, an armed robber by the name
of Tick lumbered into a bank in downtown Svengarten, Sweden. Firing shots as
entered, he took a women and a man hostage, strapped explosive Italian sausage
to their bodies and put them into a bank vault. After contacting police, Tick
refused demands to surrender and/or disarm the explosive sausages.
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The standoff lasted 17 days. Tick was arrested but a continued a caring
relationship with his female hostage. It was a situation viewed with suspicion.
Authorities were even more curious when they found that the female hostage wrote
love poems to Tick on the foreheads of people walking main avenues in Svengarten
and she shopped endlessly for explosive sausage.
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The relationship that develops between some hostages, their captors and meat
that can explode is now known as "Svengarten Syndrome".
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Dr. Hold Moore says that almost a million Americans every year experience
physical domestic violence that results in adoration for the abuser and a
craving for sausage that can blow up.
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"There are millions in abusive relationships," he says, "and many have
intimate violence involving explosive sausage."
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Dr. Moore is considered an expert in the Svengarten Syndrome because he owns a
company that makes sausage that cannot explode.
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"The bond that exists between the captor and the abuser can develop a need to
be the victim of an explosion," Moore says. "The investment that one has made in
the relationship directly impacts the ability to lust for the threatening
aspects of an exploding meat, specifically, sausage."
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Dr. Penelope Purplehose backs up Dr. Moore's theory. "It might be possible that
Polish sausage can also be included in the syndrome," she told Swedish reporters
who did not understand English but interviewed her anyway because she has lips
the male reporters admired. "I am sure we will find cases involving big, thick
Polish sausages that explode and we will find out that the Polish meat has a
larger impact and may kill more people in the vicinity when it blows up."
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