Column Chronicles
 
Political Mediumism [sic]
 
 
Frank Cotolo
February 25, 2012
 
Recently, our show's host was asked to speak to a large group of independent voters. This thoroughly disorganized group is said to be the key to electing the next US President, as well as the best group to prove if instant coffee products are moot in the current coffee market of North America.
 
Here is a transcript of the speech given on Feb. 13, 2012 at the Aggravated Associates Arena in Frankenstein, Missouri.
 
"My fellow independents and members of the middle community of this nation, unless you are not citizens yet, I come to you with a heavy heart, untouched by Lipitor, to inspire you to reach out as never before to grasp that which seems too far to be reached.
 
"I am here with a message that is not a new message, nor is it one that is written in ink on dog-eared paper of yellow. It was given to me by a greater power, which is not difficult to find these days since I lost my last arm-wrestling match. However it is powerful and it owes nothing to the fact that all of you combined have enough weight to tip the scales of the country literally, not just figuratively. We're all independents to stand side by side in, say, Los Angeles, things not securely embedded in the ground, from as far away as New York City, would begin to roll westward.
 
"Your power cannot be denied and this message I bring cannot be folded small enough to mail to each of you without two stamps on the envelope. Nor could I e-mail this message, since many of you won't release your addresses for fear of spam. So I come to you to assure you that you have heard the message, understand the message, can relay the message and will spell out the message to all.
 
"Once, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, people like you and I were tossed like a bad side dish on a political plate that wreaked of fowl juices and rancid odors, a blend of one view or another that refused to stand on its own. We were mocked and ridiculed, we were left on the side of the road to thumb a ride, not knowing our direction.
 
"Things have changed and today we are the body of the new Medium-ism. Yes, you heard that right, Mediumism. We are not small and nor are we so large that we are a mob. We are right in the center of all political thought and all social behavior. We are not too sweet and not too sour, we are up there but not out there and we can fit into any community that doesn't wave a flag only to the right or to the left from hard winds of bias.
 
"So what? So that is what makes us strong enough to push the left and the right off their proverbial cliffs and get them tumbling into the abyss where the claws of mediocrity can scrape the living puss off them. Yes, that's what. That is the message. If we stick together and pile drive our medium feelings and see-saw emotions through the skulls of the radicals on either side of the political fence then we can be the deciding factor in the decision that this country and other countries are hoping we make correctly.
 
"Thank you and will the white Chevy Fusion please turn off its alarm. Children are beginning to cry in a nearby hospital."
 
Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.

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