Column Chronicles
 
Doing something else
 
 
Frank Cotolo
September 19, 2013
 
Isn't if amazing that no matter how well any one person becomes at doing any one thing that person dreams of doing something else.
 
Perhaps it is human nature or a sociological state of mind or just from being smacked upside the head by an uncle when a person was young but you can be sure that even experts in fields of knowledge and service harbor thoughts of doing other things.
 
Some things take years to perfect if one cares to be good at that specific thing, so why would a person spend years learning one thing only to dream of doing something else? A recent study may reveal the answer.
 
In groups of tens, researchers asked certain professionals the following question: "Could you all sit down in an orderly fashion."
 
Then, researchers gave the professionals a questionnaire. Doctors, lawyers and notary publics were asked to respond to the following inquiries:
 
1.   When you are most satisfied with your work in your profession, do you have second thoughts about starving children who live in cities too poor for words? If you do have second thoughts, describe your first thoughts.
 
2.   When someone asks a question that only a person in your profession can answer, do you fantasize you are Johnny Depp's butler?
 
3.   Do you admire any male celebrity sports figure that is seen in public with a gorgeous woman and immediately...
 
4.   How often do you urinate?
 
5.   Do you watch poker tournaments on cable TV in the middle of the night and wonder how people dressed so badly can afford to play pots worth thousands of dollars and then spend the rest of the evening in your closet crying?
 
6.   If you had a male chauffer, would he be from a country where the game Monopoly was banned or would you hire twin girls with strikingly different IQs?
 
7.   As a child, did your mother fall on her head? Did she fall on your head?
 
8.   Describe in a single, short paragraph, the most important thing your father told you to do in a blizzard.
 
9.   If you have siblings, explain why you called them names like Snotty, King Of Crabs and Cockroach Henry.
 
10.   If you could be the ruler of all universes, name one planet you would destroy, how you would destroy it and if it had anything to do with same-sex marriage being legal there.
 
11.   Write an essay about your penchant for affinities and your affinity for penchants.
 
The results for all professional groups resulted in 99 percent being dissatisfied with their own success in any one profession. Of those 99 percent, 78 percent said they had no desire to be as large as Barry Bonds. Of that 78 percent, 54 percent said if they were Jesus they would have gained more weight during his teachings so he could fight back before being sent to crucifixion. Of that 54 percent, 12 percent said they would rather have done something else than contribute to this study.
 
Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.

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