Column Chronicles
 
Coldest spot in the universe identified
 
 
Frank Cotolo
January 16, 2014
 
Astronomers working with a large telescope in Chile found something exciting.
 
While studying an area they call Boomerang Nebula, they realized the nebula was probably the coldest spot in the universe.
 
"We were sitting around laughing," said one of the astronomers, "because the name we gave the nebula began to sound like a cartoon character. One of the gals began to sketch what a cartoon character would look like if its name was Boomerang Nebula and when we saw it we all laughed, except for Carl, he thought a cartoon character with that name should be a buffalo, which made us all laugh again because that is just dumb, you know, I mean a buffalo would more have a name like Hornsharp Harry or Furry McDoogle and those could never be names of nebulas."
 
The team of scientists intensely scrutinized the nebula’s frigid properties to determine it was ultra cold. They used a newly developed telescope called a Atacama Large Millimeter-submillimeter Array, which gave them a crisper look at the nebula.
 
"We call the telescope Alma, which is nowhere near as funny as the name we gave the nebula," said another in the team. "I thought we might call it Boom Boom Alma but no one laughed at that. Then I said how about AmTrak Alma, like the train company, but someone said that was dumb to name a telescope after a train company and I began to see what they meant as time passed."
 
They say now that though they see the nebula better, it is difficult to determine its shape. Every one of the scientists that looked at it closely saw something different.
 
One saw the shape as a lopsided bow tie while another saw it as a triangular trombone while another saw it as a chainsaw while another saw it as a jelly donut while another saw it as a ping pong table. Then the one that saw it as a lopsided bow tie agreed with the one that saw it as a jelly donut and stopped seeing the lopsided bow tie.
 
"It seemed the shape was changing," said another scientist, "but the light is tricky because the object is at the end of its life, ready to dissipate in a burst of gas. When I said burst of gas the others laughed and one of them said that Boomerang Nebula passing gas was one of the funniest things he ever heard. In fact, he called his family at his home and told them and we could hear them laughing over the phone."
 
Just how cold do they estimate the area to be?
 
"We know that all the other areas we saw with Alma are warmer than that because they don't glow like Boomerang Nebula." Everyone giggled. "See, when I say the name everyone laughs. We should write a song, a catchy tune, and sing it as we study further, or further study, however you say it right, or say it correctly."
 
But how cold is the coldest area in the universe?
 
"One degree Kelvin". Everyone giggled. "Yeah, that is funny, calling a temperature Kelvin. That is five hundred degrees Fahrenheit but you notice no one laughs at Fahrenheit at all. But say Kelvin..." Everyone giggled. "...didn't I tell you?"
 
The scientists think that the Boomerang Nebula's death could ignite the creation of other planets and the team is preparing names for those heavenly bodies just in case that happens.
 
"But now," another team member said, "we are coming up with crazy names, trying to out-do the other with more outrageous ones. So far, we have a list of planet names that includes Wombomb, Scootopic, Gravia Lomous, Stan Lee, Crapadappa, Bingy Bong and the one I really like, Ghonnerea."
 
Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.

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