Column Chronicles
 
Even more notes from my diary, in no particular order
 
 
Frank Cotolo
November 6, 2014
 
Jan. 5 - Not only did I recall dreams I had last night but I remember details and I know how many. I can't write them all down, however (my shrink suggested I transcribe the memories of my dreams into a 8 1/2 by 11 notebook) but I couldn't find that size in the stationary stores so I didn't buy a notebook. When I told my shrink she said, "Why did you take it literally?" I answered, "It's a literal issue because you are asking me to write." She said, "Don't take literal literally. That is anal retentive." I said, "I happen to be regular, if you don't mind." She said, "There you go again, taking it literally." The session ended.
 
Jan. 14 - My shrink asked if I bought a notebook before even saying hello when I walked in for this week's session. I took out five napkins that I stole from a coffee shop and she said, "Napkins will be hard to organize." I said, "They were carefully organized at the coffee shop." She said, "As napkins, not as notebook pages." We made comments to one another until she said, "Your time is up for today."
 
Jan. 15 - Spent the entire day looking for a new shrink.
 
Dec. 24 - I decided to boycott Christmas presents last month so I have nothing to do today.
 
March 15 - Today was the Ides of March. But what is tomorrow? Why does the 15th of March have a special title? And why did Shakespeare suddenly change languages to have a character say "Ides" instead of fifteenth? I thought about this for hours today and wondered why I wasn't paying as much or more attention to the large lump in my elbow.
 
June 24 - All I did today was wish I was in a tropical climate. I hate humidity. In the tropics there are cool breezes and ocean waves and drinks from coconut shells and pineapple slices and sand and bamboo. I tried to tell that to my Uncle Witmore but his stay on the island of Bataan in the 1940s didn't make him feel as I felt.
 
Nov. 17 - Some days there just aren't enough wheat thins to make a man feel well.
 
Feb. 11 - Gina dropped by today and I had to tell her our relationship was over. She was angry because she came over to say it first but I beat her to it.
 
April 4 - Planning to move to Brasilia, the capital city of Brazil. My friend has a home there and as soon as the construction men finish building the gun turrets all around the stone wall of his property, I am outta here.
 
Sept. 17 - I was almost hit by a car today. It didn’t scare me, though, because the car was parked.
 
Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.
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