Column Chronicles
 
Searching for sleep
 
 
Frank Cotolo
May 29, 2014
 
Sleep disorders continue to haunt millions of people across the globe, provoking hundreds of studies by researchers. Some of the difficulties treating sleep disorders are the many sources causing them and, of course, the fact that some of the people studying the problems lose a lot of sleep while working to find sources that cause them, which becomes just one more source of the problem.
 
"If we could be as sure of some sources as we have become with the ones that arise from searching for sources," said one researcher who had been up thirty straight hours on a study, "then we would ... we would ... Sorry but I forgot the topic."
 
A study last year was thought to have great importance since it found a common symptom in many people suffering from the malady. Dr. Ensign Mackenmyer was credited with the breakthrough.
 
"Our initial research made us suspect a common element in all of the subjects of our study," Dr. Mackenmyer said last year as the results of the study were about to be published. "However, we discovered that our secretary recorded all of our notes incorrectly, making dire mistakes of the time the subjects slept. As it turned out, her mistakes were attributed to working with an extreme lack of sleep."
 
A major study a decade ago resulted in the creation of the drug known commercially as Snoozor. However, it turned out that most people who were prescribed the medicine suffered some of the many side effects ignited by its use.
 
Terrance Traffic, CEO of the Armondo Pharmaceutical Company, had the medicine pulled from drugstore shelves.
 
"All of the side effects," Traffic said, "took place while the patient slept, which as a big problem."
 
Traffic referred to such side effects as nosebleeds, tooth aches and a gnawing crave to play a violin.
 
Psychologist Reginald Oratory feels that uninterrupted sleeping in regular intervals is the only cure for sleep deprivation.
 
"We have tried to hypnotize people into sleeping longer," Dr. Oratory said, "but we cannot seem to get them past the yawning stage."
 
Sleep deprivation has been identified as a condition contributing to heart disease, as well as it assists in misspelling.
 
"Many more studies are needed," said Dr. Oratory, "and it may take decades before we get an answer. As bad as that sounds in terms of coming to a serious conclusion, I wouldn't lose sleep over it."
 
Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.

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