Column Chronicles: Into the mail box - Frank Cotolo on 148.ca

Into the mail box

Frank Cotolo
November 27, 2014

I receive a lot of mail from readers of my blogs, my books, my printed articles and the "Keep Out" signs I have posted all around my home. I am going to share some of the good and bad comments in this entry, excluding the names of the authors.

"I enjoy reading your articles but some of the topics make me want to heave because you don't get to the heart of them. I feel in the future you should get to the heart of topics you write about in the articles I read where you talk about topics. All topics have hearts, so why don't you get to them?"

"When I first read one of your books I figured if you could get published then anyone can so I wrote a book and realized that not everyone can write a book, some people can only write pamphlets. So keep up the good work."

"I could be wrong but I think I saw you at a local mall and you were making eyes at my wife. I didn't say anything then but now that a confrontation can take place in words and we are miles apart I want to say that if you ever do that again I will be angrier than now."

"Could you explain to me what you wear when you are writing articles?"

"I love you. I never thought I could love someone who wrote crap like you write but I was wrong. Your crap made me fall in love with you, even though we are not the same Astrological sign and you probably don't condone a woman’s need for hard brush bristles. Soon I will try to approach you in person, wearing colorful clothing and a short dress that displays my unshaven legs. Soon, my love."

"Bite me."

"My family loved you in the movie 'Donnie Brasco.' I thought you were terrible."

"Is it true that of all the authors in your country you are the only to ever be indicted for using a flashlight indecently in public?"

"The more I read your books the more I love what you write about. I love the stories about your dad and the other story about what's-his-name and the one about that guy with the thing that didn't work and the one about the movie star and the one about the organization or something that wouldn't let you join and all the other thoroughly memorable ones."

"I'm never writing to you again."

"Can you please return the rifle I left on your front porch as a tool you could use to rid the planet of yourself? I mean since you didn't use it."

"What is your phone number, what is your address and what are the passwords to all of the web sites that have you as a member? Thank you for your response in advance."

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.