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Frank Cotolo
February 6, 2014 |
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I have had many jobs in my life but the one I disliked the most was being a rodeo clown. Though I
thought being any kind of clown would be exciting and easy work, it turned out quite the opposite,
unless you consider being near death every half hour of an eight-hour work day exciting, no less
for $5.50 an hour.
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The Rootin' Tootin' Wildcat Rope and Revolver Rodeo hired me without ever asking if I knew anything
about clownship, so to speak. All I did to pass the physical for the job was go to the rodeo doctor
once. He took my pulse and said, "You're fit."
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Then I went to makeup. Dolly Dank was the makeup lady. She showed me three dishes of makeup, one
red, one blue and the other yellow. She sat me down on a barber chair and put a finger in each of
the dishes. Then she put those fingers all over my face. Then she stuck a round white bubble thingy
on my nose.
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"There," Dolly said. "We'll call you Cakey The Clown."
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I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "Aren't I supposed to learn to do my makeup so my
character is always the same?"
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"Screw that," Dolly said, spitting a wad of tobacco into a glass of whiskey on the counter,
"tomorrow you will be Stinky The Clown. And the next day you will be Jerk The Clown, or whatever."
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Then I went to wardrobe. Samantha Stray was the wardrobe boss. She told me to take all of my clothes
off. I did that and she made me stand in front of a rack of old pants for a half an hour. Samantha
was about 74 years old with huge breasts and a backside bigger than a sombrero. Finally, she
stopped looking at me and tossed a few articles of clothing at me.
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"Put those on," she said, "then get the hell into the ring and come to my room after the show and
bring back the clothes."
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Still unaware of what I had to do as a rodeo clown, I entered the ring. There were people
screaming, guns firing, cowboys on horses galloping in circles and a giant canon in the center.
Two other rodeo clowns grabbed me from behind and pulled me to the canon. One of them was knocked
over by a galloping horse but it didn't phase him none, he kept bleeding and joined the other clown
and I at the tip of the canon.
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