Column Chronicles
 
The life and times of a rodeo clown, part two
 
 
Frank Cotolo
February 27, 2014
 
My rodeo clown work at The Rootin' Tootin' Wildcat Rope and Revolver Rodeo put me in contact with many new people and exposed me to many new areas of the country where I exposed myself to many new people. We traveled on a unique train that was customized for our living quarters. By customized I mean that the maintenance crew did their best to rid the cars of the stench of dead cattle.
 
I shared a car during my first trip west. In my living quarters, which was a car close to the caboose, lived me and Rusty Calibrand. His stage name was Rusty Cowboy and he would go on to become so popular he got to reside in his own car. But before he gained all his fame, Rusty bunked with me. I admired him because he had the courage to make believe he was brave, making him a fine actor. I knew that a great rodeo clown must also be a great actor, so I listened to Rusty's tips, which always included stories of his terrible childhood.
 
"If you wanna give the crowd the impression that you fear nothing," Rusty said to me, "then always think of my father, a drunkard and a mean drunkard who once tied me up and poured honey down my spine as he waited for critters to climb my back with their sharp claws and lick it off while I stood in torment."
 
"What if I can't work with that image, Rusty?" I said.
 
"You gotta act, son, you hear me? You can't be brave unless you are petrified and your skin crawls, like it did when my father took my cousin's toenails and put them in my oatmeal and made me eat 'em while I coughed, choked and eventually throwed up on the table and would have to clean it up with a spoon and a rake."
 
Rusty sure knew how to muster up courage and that is why when he rode his trusty horse Armegeddon in every show, he was able to light and smoke cigars placed in each ear while the rodeo sharpshooter, Deadeye Denny, rode behind him on his horse, Wussie, and fired buckshot at the skull-and-crossbones flags waving from poles sticking out of Armegeddon's saddle.
 
When Denny died from ventricular cancer one summer, Rusty, though shaking from fear, created a new act where he would ride Armegeddon through a wall of fire right after he dowsed himself in what the audience perceived to be gasoline. It was actually sparkling Ginger Ale.
 
Most people didn't know that Ginger Ale is an inflamable liquid, so Rusty was protected from being set on fire. However, the first time Rusty performed the act he forgot to dowse Armageddon and the poor steed burned to a crisp, which, by the way, the audience thought was in the act so it went over big.
 
To be continued
 
Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.

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