A health plan for the masses
 
 
Frank Cotolo
September 18, 2009
 
Though never a political animal, Cotolo Chronicles' staff has decided to put in its two cents concerning a national health plan for the United States. The plan, including the following elements, will be sent to President Obama along with a self-addressed stamped envelope for his reply.
 
Any citizen of the United States that cannot afford health insurance can get free health insurance through this new program (just fill out a 2,000-page application, which includes writing an essay titled Why I Want Free Health Insurance Aside From Wanting To Live Longer.
 
Death will be the only pre-existing condition that forbids entry to the program.
 
Illegal aliens must be able to sing the late Kate Smith's version of God Bless America before being considered for the program. A panel of judges, including Ellen DeGeneres, will decide if the performance is good enough for the person to be approved.
 
Families of 10 or more must not have ages that, if added together, come to the sum of more than 212.
 
Participants of the program that do not enter a claim over a period of three months or 456 days, whichever comes first, will be inclined to have health too fit to be a participant of the program any longer and must re-apply within 200 days or 10 months, whichever comes first, proving that they will be sick in the near future or at least in the next three months or 56 days, whichever comes first.
 
If a person surrenders his or her nationality to the U.S. government, he or she will be granted lifetime membership to the program for two generations.
 
No one but no one in the program can have the first name "Egbert".
 
No member of the Glen Beck Fan Club will be allowed to participate.
 
Children born to a mother that is a participant of the program are not expected to walk, talk or be ambidextrous. Also, should a child born to a mother that is a participant of the program be taller than 3-foot-5, the mother must reveal the sex of the father.
 
Anyone older than the average lifespan age, as decided by a scientific study, will be introduced to one Dr. Kevorkian, formerly licensed in Michigan, United States.
 
...other provisions pending.
 
Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.
   
Copyright © 2009 SRN Mediaworks Productions, in association with Frank Cotolo.
All rights reserved. We are not responsible for the content of external links.
148.ca | Cafe | Fab | Radio | Local