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Frank Cotolo
September 18, 2009 |
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Though never a political animal, Cotolo Chronicles' staff has decided to put in
its two cents concerning a national health plan for the United States. The plan,
including the following elements, will be sent to President Obama along with a
self-addressed stamped envelope for his reply.
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Any citizen of the United States that cannot afford health insurance can get
free health insurance through this new program (just fill out a 2,000-page
application, which includes writing an essay titled Why I Want Free Health
Insurance Aside From Wanting To Live Longer.
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Death will be the only pre-existing condition that forbids entry to the program.
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Illegal aliens must be able to sing the late Kate Smith's version of God
Bless America before being considered for the program. A panel of judges,
including Ellen DeGeneres, will decide if the performance is good enough for the
person to be approved.
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Families of 10 or more must not have ages that, if added together, come to the
sum of more than 212.
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Participants of the program that do not enter a claim over a period of three
months or 456 days, whichever comes first, will be inclined to have health too
fit to be a participant of the program any longer and must re-apply within 200
days or 10 months, whichever comes first, proving that they will be sick in the
near future or at least in the next three months or 56 days, whichever comes
first.
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If a person surrenders his or her nationality to the U.S. government, he or she
will be granted lifetime membership to the program for two generations.
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No one but no one in the program can have the first name "Egbert".
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No member of the Glen Beck Fan Club will be allowed to participate.
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Children born to a mother that is a participant of the program are not expected
to walk, talk or be ambidextrous. Also, should a child born to a mother that is
a participant of the program be taller than 3-foot-5, the mother must reveal the
sex of the father.
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