28 Mar, 2009
After being on the cyberspace "air" for more than a decade, someone on
staff brought up the obvious but non-addressed fact that our program does
not have a mascot. First brought up at a meeting in 1998, the notion of
obtaining an animal to help promote our program was quickly dismissed by
the person who would have been assigned to bathe the creature. No one had
brought up the idea again until recently and this time it caused some
"What animal would anyone suggest?" said Irving, one of the program's
"A pig," said a staff member.
"A pigeon," said
another staff member.
"A parrot," said another staff member.
"Let's get off the 'p' animals and move to another letter," said Irving.
"A Wave," said a boy who was not a staff member but was standing in
the corner of the room wearing a sailor's outfit.
"Who are you?"
Irving asked the boy in the sailor's suit.
"I'm, a young sailor in t
he United States Navy and I feel your mascot should be a Wave. You know,
a woman sailor."
"What are you doing here?" Irving said.
listen to your show," said the sailor. "So does everyone on the U.S.S.
Cantaloupe. We want a Wave as a mascot."
Irving said he would take it into consideration even though having a
human, no less a woman, as a mascot would be insulting to women. One
woman on our staff agreed that it would be insulting, unless, that is,
she was making in excess of fifty thousand a year doing it.
Next, a secretary said, "Let's have a Wallaby as a mascot."
Wallaby," said Irving, who was also thinking about resigning his post as
he said it. "Isn't that an Australian dog?"
"I don't know much about
the cute animal," the secretary said, "other than it is any of thirty
some-odd species of macropod, from the Macropodidae family that is
smaller than a kangaroo or a wallaroo. By the way, I have an Uncle
Wallaroo who lives in Sydney. Or maybe he lives with Sydney? His
lifestyle has always been suspect."