Michele on my mind
Frank Cotolo
The biggest problem I have these days when it comes to politics is my desire for Rep. Michele Bachmann. I think she is quite a woman, a good looker who is not afraid to display her feminine qualities with fine makeup and clothing. She is a handsome woman and beautiful if the lighting is just right. When she speaks in public she uses her hands like an orchestra leader conducting some great musical piece.
However, her politics are not my cup of tea, if I may turn a phrase.
"I'm a strong, unashamed, unapologetic, conservative activist of the free market," she always says when I dream of her giving me a long passionate kiss from those lovely lips.
"Yes," I would say, "but doesn't that kiss make you want to run away with me so that we could dance naked in the Himalayas and hunt the Yeti?"
In my dreams she avers and then we are clothed only in heavy parkas from J. Crew, making out on a steamboat headed for the tundra. All along the way, with my tongue in her ear, I am whispering, "You are so much sexier than Sarah."
Yes, of course I mean Sarah Palin. I am so happy I do not have a crush on her because she is mincemeat compared to Michele. In a beauty contest judged by men who have been at war and without a woman for years, Michele would win. I know this is so.
But popular opinion seems to disagree and Sarah always pins the hot meter, so to speak. I don't get it, really, and I want you to see it my way to appreciate Michele Bachmann. So I want you to imagine a few things that may open your eyes to her beauty and make you realize once and for all that Sarah Palin is second-rate centerfold material compared to Michele.
First, imagine Newt Gingrich tied to a lawn chair and dancing around him is a lovely Native American squaw. Now put the face of Michele Bachmann on the squaw, only her face looks airbrushed and her lips are painted like a ladyboy from Thailand. See what happens to Newt? That would never happen if Sarah were the squaw.
Next, make a cup of scalding hot tea and rest it between your legs. Think of Michele and the tea begins to bubble. Think of Sarah and the beverage starts to become cool.
Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles.
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