Column Chronicles
Modern writers rework books in the public domain, part one
Frank Cotolo
April 25, 2024
No published work is forever the property of the author. Seventy years after an author's death, the work can be used by anyone without the need to secure permission from the copyright holder.
Here are some opening paragraphs of famous books as they are being written by wanna-be novelists.
ANNA KARENINA now by Skip Wild
Happy families like which ones? Name one. And how many unhappy families are there? Take a guess. You'd be wrong. Alot more than that. I know, I grew up in one. And so did Anna. Yeah, I am a Karenina. Butch. I'm writing about Anna in my unhappy family and if you don't wanna read about it then f--- you!
DAVID COPPERFIELD now by Brillo Bones
I'll turn out to be the hero of my own life, I'm David Copperfield and I can do amazing magic tricks, even in the 1850s, when this story takes place. Like you know London Bridge (I think it was built already)? I'm going to make it disappear and you're going to shout -- holy f--- did you see what Dave did?
ELMER GANTRY now by Celina Celina Jones
The preacher was drunk. His name was Elmer. What kind of a name is that for a preacher? I'll tell you. It's the kind of name good for a drunken preacher. And I mean he was sloshed, hammered, he had to hold on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
RED BADGE OF COURAGE now by Umala Xaier
Frogs retired. The ground was cold, man, and I mean cold. And we saw an army of men. No, not fighting. Resting. The Civil War killed soldiers but it also made them f---ing tired. Unlike frogs the soldiers couldn't retire. I was a soldier and when resting I wrote this book when I was f---ing tired, so don't blame me for spelling bad.
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