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Frank Cotolo
September 10, 2026 |
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It is with sadness and a little bit of humor that on the seventh month and fourth day of Your Lod
2026 the man honored as the most confusing human of our times - Sirus McSirus - left his mortal
coil and for all due purposes will never be seen walking this planet as well as any other.
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As you know but I will tell you anyway, Sirus McSirus will always be known as a man whose ideas
and feelings never made sense to anyone. His personal doctor called him a ridiculous human with
nothing to say that anyone understood. Or cared to try to understand.
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This rare condition is best exemplified by listening to his last words. I quote: "Under the palm
tree where my molecules meant most to me lay my wives, in order, Kim, Karol, Karen and Kay. It
always bothered me that each was buried before death, no less than with half a kumquat between
the lips."
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McSirus was never married but chose to create fictional wives to mention in his last words.
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From his birth on there was not a person claiming to understand him. His mother testified that
Sirus' first words spoken were holocost and gymnasium. His father claimed Sirus at a pool table
by the age of ten and told everyone his twentieth birthday meant he was actually fifty and his
spine was a lamppost on the corner of Exile on Main Street.
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The coroner said the official cause of death was a hardening of the Stork Brain and made it known
that Sirus left a Will leaving all of his fortune to the voice of a cartoon character yet to be
created. The McSirus family had no response and left town on a motor bike built for twelve.
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Copyright © 2009-2026 SRN Mediaworks Productions, in association with Frank Cotolo.