Column Chronicles: Strange objects emerge on Saturn

Strange objects emerge on Saturn

Frank Cotolo
November 12, 2026

They are called "dark beads" because no astroscientist knows what else to call the unexpected structures found to be surrounding Saturn.

"We just so happened to see strange features never seen before in the Solar System and they were on Saturn," said Eleanor Delamore who claims to work at NASA. "We observed Saturn for 10 hours. No more and no less. Suddenly on the tenth hour we saw emissions by hydrogen-3, or tritium as some call it."

Next, an international team of planet specialist agreed on calling the strange features "dark beads". One on the team almost convinced the others to call the strange features on Saturn "Frickydoo" but six others called that name stupid and went back to practicing dancing the samba.

Another on the team said, "We need a national team to look at Saturn and see if they see what we see". After a vote was taken inbetween a hand wrestling contest the members agreed to the idea but insisted the new team wear Miami Marlins t-shirts when viewing Saturn.

Meanwhile, most of the international team was particularly interested in taking a break so as to check their sports wagering accounts.

"The infrared emissions we saw," said Delamore, "may be harmful if they have weapons." As well as observing Saturn's ionosphere, the telescope the teams used were late checked for modes of focus and their strange power to absorb the methane odors produced by both of the scientific teams while working.

"It was the tacos," Delamore said. "No astroscientist worth his or her weight in knowledg of the universe can produce pleasant odors after consuming authentic Spanish food.

No official reports on the dark beads have been filed - not counting this account of them which is in dire need of revision.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.