Column Chronicles: Riff Shattersmith and the nine-legged novempus

Riff Shattersmith and the nine-legged novempus

Frank Cotolo
February 13, 2026

Anywhere I go on Earth, Riff Shattersmith becomes part of my adventures. Here is one such event.

A popular deep sea explorer asked Riff Shattersmith and I to sail to a part of The Black Sea where it is said there is a giant octopus with nine - not eight - legs.

"You mean a novempus," RIff said.

I was not surprised Riff knew an octopus with nine legs would not be called an octopus. The captain was surprised and said, "Son of a sailor's knot. That's why we wanted you along, Riff. You know a hellova lot about a hellova lot."

It was a long journey and I got sick on the second day. Riff approached me as I was dry heaving. He said, "Reverse peristalsis can rupture your digestive tract so don't fight it."

After five days of sailing Riff offered to be the first diver and insisted on going alone. The captain attached a digital camera to Riff's diving suit so we could watch. Riff dove deep and finally hit the ocean floor. We all gasped as Riff was approached by a creature with a large rotund head and thick waving tenticles. Riff let the creature embrace him and kept his attention on counting the tenticles. The creature tried to confuse Riff by changing the position of the tenticles but Riff was steadfast and kept counting. I told the captain that Riff won a dozen counting championships in a dozen countries and the captain laughed so hard his crotch ached.

Riff outmaneuvered the creature and headed for the surface. The captain worried Riff would get The Bends by I told him Riff was immune to The Bends and the captain laughed so hard his only tooth popped out. When Riff was back aboard he said, "It is a novempus." The crew applauded and the captain laughed so hard he survived a mild stroke.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.